Zombies and Paper Airplanes

In light of the worst economic crisis paranoia since 911, my friend from the WGB, Trogdor, takes a stand against the zombie Democrats in Bush's army.

I Will Fight You -- Zombies

Oh no teh scary money stocks thingies! It's like 911 but with paper airplanes! Wee!

speech

neurospeech

Lipstick Country

"Tonight on Larry King live: Obama puts lipstick on his health care policy. Stephanie Miller and Ariana Huffington join us to discuss this bold move, and whether Obama's policy is kissable or just unhealthy..."

---

"What do you make of this clip, Bill?"

"Well, I think the American people will see that Obama's choice of a gay, black, female, paraplegic, Iraqi, North Korean, extra-terrestrial tax policy is clearly a political move, a cynical attempt to sway the celestial base. Which, I might add, are largely illegal immigrants..."

---

(Cover of Time Magazine):

Weapons of Mass Distraction?

Obama accuses Palin's women's pay policy of wearing a push up bra and making up false bust-waist-hip ratios when the CIA in a report clearly stated she was a B cup. Is this a sexist remark? We explore Palin's policy in depth in this issue...

---

"Our next guest is co-starring with Brad Pitt in 'Legally Blonde 3: Pregger President' the most anticipated movie this summer. Please welcome to the show Obama's education policy." *applause*

"Thanks for coming on."

"Thanks for having me on, it's great to be here, Dave."

"So tell me about yourself."

"Well, I started out as an early head-start plan, quadrupling the funding there to help kids starting school get the edge. I've ever since had a real passion for math and science, where I make sure America's children are equipped to compete in the economies of the future."

"You know I've never told anyone this but I failed algebra in high school." *Laughter* "I'm sorry, go ahead."

"When I met my husband, Clinton's education policy, he was really a big influence on me. I decided to go into hiring and retaining higher quality teachers by paying them higher salaries, giving them the support they need, and in exchange holding them accountable."

"He didn't try that cigar thing with you too did he? No I'm kidding. So how's Brad?"

"Oh he's amazing, so down to earth, I love hanging out. I'm actually helping Brad and Angie educate a small town of their 'god children' in Thailand with my policies."


---

"Well, Wolf, I'm just disgusted, honestly. Although I know I couldn't have expected anything else from the the Democratic Campaign. It's just more of the same. Issue after issue, policy after policy, distracting the American people from the things that are most important to them. Such as whether criticisms of Sarah Palin's hot-librarian hairstyle are sexist, and whether her daughter's pregnancy is good or bad for the Obama campaign. The American people will not stand for this. This is not the America I know. This is the time when we come together as one nation and say in one voice, 'Enough! We are more entertaining than this.'"

No Convention For Old Men

The music and visuals at the Democratic Convention make the Republican look like a junior high pageant in Nampa, Idaho. (Which it very well may be)

You've got All Tomorrow's Miss Americas and Richie Rich The Eighth's with Popsicle sticks up thier asses, flouncing about to social studies textbook CD ROM soundtracks, cut from red white and blue construction paper. Generous sprinklings of young, Black, Hispanic tokens, like cheap semiotic fertilizer they picked up at the Karl Rove Walmart, next to the viagra, Rogaine, and economy-size Miracle Grow, "Perfect for men with more lawns than they can keep track of." Red dots of Blackwater rifles painting the backs of their skulls as they read the teleprompter for dear life.

Cut to the audience and you see an almost unilateral sea of old, pinkish-white faces and thin white hair. The Old Guard coughing up dust like they've just been dragged out of their glass cases in the Smithsonian, polished, put on display. The shaking hands of their PTSD sons saluting as they relive their "patriotic" past. Lockheed-Martin and Haliburton lining the front seats, discussing new "policies" to "help get America's economy back on its feet", grabbing each others' wives' tight young Stepford asses. Then, as a memoir of Katrina ravages Louisiana, a hot night of pink boas, hookers and blow, partying like it's 1984.

Yeah, go fuck yourselves silly.