Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Living On The Edge

Guitar Hero Aerosmith Bonus Footage

"Mr. Tyler, sir, I'm sorry but you've already snorted all the blow."

"What kind of blow is this anyway, it tastes like... Pixie Stick."

"Sir, it is Pixie Stick. It's a prop for your Guitar Hero rockumentary. Harmonix is paying you eight million to endorse the new inhalable candy that comes with the game, so save some for the fans next time. You're opening for Dragonforce in five."

"Aerosmith is opening? For, what the hell is Dragonforce? Sounds like a bunch of those DnD freaks we used to swirlie in high school getting together with some Moogs and playing Nintendo theme songs."

"They're Extreme Power Metal, actually, and WoW all-stars. Reminds me, we've got to fly you in to San Diego after this show for mo-cap for your WoW virtual concert with Level 70 Elite Tauren Chieftan. How are you with wearing hooves?"

"Hooves? What the fuck is this, Animal Planet? We're the hardest rockin-"

"Nevermind, we'll figure it out later. Alright, you're on! Remember the lines, 'What's up Guitar Heros and Heroin-"

"I got it."

"Fucks sake, what is it now, Steve?"

"I just, I don't know if I can do this, you know? I don't know if I can scream 'Walk This Way' into a piece of pink plastic. Is there even a fucking mic in there somewhere?"

"Stevie, Stevie. Remember back in that trashed hotel room in 97' in Cali, when it was just you, me, and Joe and the Touch-

"Joe was in detox at the time."

"Just you and me, and the Touchstone people came to the door with the proposal, and Michael Bay was totally into it-"

"Bay was playing demolition in the corner with monster trucks, a Mothra action figure, and a bunch of Jengas."

"Right, well remember how you hesitated when they asked you to do the music?"


"But after you stood staring out into all that smog for a minute, then you turned and pointed to the Hollywood sign."


"Well this here, this is bigger than Armageddon. This is The Future. This is bigger than The Beatles."

"All right, all right. You had me at hello. No fucking hooves though."

"Steve, I don't know about these plastic guitars, they smash all funny. I miss the sound the pickups make and the feeling when the strings snap loose."

"I know what you mean, Joe. I think now we're really living on the edge."


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